The design that started it all

I promised you that all my designs come from the heart. That they are each a piece of me.

So far, this is true of none more than The Angel and The Butterfly.

In all honesty I don't think I'm ready — and I'm not sure I ever will be — to go into this fully in public. But I can say this.


Always on the outside

I always knew I was different. I always knew I wasn't quite like other people, and that horrified me. Growing up, it seemed that something was fundamentally and irrevocably wrong with me. It was my fault I couldn't see the world the way everyone else did. My fault I didn't fit. My fault I didn't understand. Even in adult life, it seems to be my karma to be always on the outside looking in — never quite fitting the mould wherever I go. And I struggle with that.


And then there are the Angels

And then there are the Angels. My Guides.

The only place, other than with my Spiritual Master or with my husband, where I have ever felt truly at home.

They understand me. They show me how they see the world and, finally, I say yes. Yes — this is how I see things. This is how I understand things. This is how I want to live. That is one thing the Angels have given me, and one reason why this image matters so deeply to me.


The butterfly and the beauty of vulnerability

The other is the butterfly.

The butterfly holds my experience of vulnerability. Of being so very fragile. Sometimes it feels like all you need do to break me is to touch me.

And yet I have learned — in part because the pandemic forced me to — that there is nothing wrong with being fragile. More than that: there is power in it.

I've begun to embrace that. To let go of the shame and stand in my vulnerable, fragile nature and love myself in it. To appreciate the beauty that comes with it. Not from it — with it.

The butterfly's beauty doesn't come from its fragility. But it does come with it. That particular type of beauty is not possible in something less delicate.

So I stand in that now. And I say, clearly and without apology: this does not need to be fixed.


What this design really means

I was raised in a world of hyper-aggressive girl power. If you didn't want a career, something was wrong with you. If you wanted a husband and a family, something was wrong with you. If you leaned on someone else — admitted you couldn't do it alone, or simply that life goes easier with a little help — something was wrong with you. I never understood this and trying to beat myself into that mould nearly destroyed me.

The butterfly tells me I don't need any of that. It tells me I am beautiful as I am.

And the Angel tells me that if one of my wings is broken, it's alright. Because Something — or Someone — more powerful has my back. I am not alone and I don't have to do it all alone.

I am whole. I am loved. Exactly as I am.

That is what this design means to me.

With hope, joy and love —
Hare Krishna and Namaste. I pray you have a blessed day x

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If something here landed for you, The Angel and The Butterfly is in the shop. Find something that’s yours :)

Every Hope Joy Love purchase provides meals in Vrindavan, India — prepared and shared by volunteers, and offered freely to all. Because small kindness can travel far.